Hello 👋🏼! I'm Lindsay - 34 years old and on month 9 of ttc #1. I live in KS with my amazing husband and dog. My husband and I got married in April 2016 and wanted to enjoy being newlyweds before we started trying to have children. In hindsight, I would have started trying right away. Both our mothers had babies until their late 30s (his mom was actually 40) with no issues at all. I have so many friends who have struggled, but many more who seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. We were realistic, but thought it might take us six months. Since we started trying, I noticed that I have luteal phase spotting, every single month. Now that I'm religiously tracking my cycle, I know it starts at about 5dpo and lasts every day until my period starts. I don't even feel like the egg is getting a chance to implant! I went to my OBGYN who did a saline sonohysterogram (worst thing I've ever experienced) to check for polyps/fibroids and found nothing. She put me on 50mg of Clomid to help the spotting. It did not help. My progesterone levels have been good on my 21 day labs and I was getting extremely frustrated. So last month, we had our first appointment with an RE. She was very optimistic as my husbands test results were excellent and she didn't see any issues with me. She is recommending we do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> starting this next cycle, but first wants me to do an HSG (which I'm dreading after the saline test). I'm just so frustrated because no one is addressing the spotting, and I don't want to pay $1,000+ for the <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> cycle and then start spotting again. Also frustrating is that the only feedback I've gotten on my labs is that everything is fine - but I saw that my hemoglobin ac1 was slightly low, and my AMH was slightly high (4.6). I've read everything from anemia to PCOS (I'm 120 lbs, but I've heard there is "lean" pcos). I'm just so confused and my mind keeps jumping to worst case scenarios - that I'll never be able to have a baby. My husband is great, but hates seeing me like this and doesn't know how to comfort me. I've really tried to stay positive, but I really thought this was our month. We tried everything - preseed with a syringe, good old regular BD'ing, geranium oil, B-6...but the spotting started at a normal time and now I'm 12 dpo with BFN. The RE had me start Metformin earlier this week, with little explanation.

I had to delete my Facebook account because I can't handle all the pregnancy/birth announcements, or memes complaining about how hard motherhood is! The hardest thing, which I know is irrational, is that I feel like a failure and ashamed that my body hasn't been able to do what it is supposed to.

I know many of us are struggling with these difficult feelings, and I know a lot of you have been trying much longer than me. I'm just so happy there is a place to go for some support and understanding!