How do you keep your identity?

Question

I have a 9 mo daughter that I LOVE but I'm struggling with myself - I'm not depressed, just unhappy... unfulfilled. I need a break from being a mom for a minute but when I think to myself about what I would want to do I literally can't think of anything; I feel like I don't know myself, that I've lost a piece of my identity? Now, I'm always mom and sometimes I just need to be... me. It's kind of putting a wedge in my marriage because I just feel like how am I supposed to be a wife when I can't even be me? What do you all do when you just need to be yourself for a couple of hours? Any advice?

Answer

I'm a Mother of 3 little boys. This is honestly something I needed to figure out for my own sanity, and for my marriage.

You need to remember who you were before becoming a mother. I am a retired opera singer (yes, seriously). So for me, I still sing, I have to for my sanity. I go every Tuesday night. I get a sitter. I go to practice, every time. It keeps me sane. I also go once every 6 weeks for a hair cut, and every Sat morning my husband gives me time for a real shower and shave. My youngest is now 17 months (it gets easier) and I'm determined to make this my year. I'm eating healthy. I'm taking time to exercise every single day. I also have a career that I'm damn good at. I'm blessed with the ability to work from home 4 out of 5 days a week, but I still have the opportunity to focus on my work.

You also need to remember who your husband was and who you were together before becoming parents. My husband and I have an amazing relationship and sex life after a decade and 3 kids. That's not luck. We make time and conserve energy for intimacy every day (that's not just sex). We talk all the time, touch constantly, and maintain a healthy sex life, even while tired. We have a date night once a months and alternate who plans it. It's always a surprise. So we are really still dating each other. We put our marriage first to be a strong foundation of love and support for our kids.

You can do this Mom. Save some energy for everything else. It's worth it

Answer

Honestly, I put myself first 100% of the time. If I'm not happy and healthy then I'm not going to be able to be a good mom or wife. It's just not possible. You absolutely have to be taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. And I find that these habits and that mindset must be established long before having children. 
I take extra long showers in the morning while the baby naps so I can relax and ease into my day. I go to the gym every single day once my husband comes home from work so I can keep myself in shape and healthy. I do coffee dates with friends at least once a week and run errands on my own on weekends while my husband is with our daughter. We do dinner with friends every single Saturday. I continue to run my business and earn my masters degree all with an 8 week old on my hip. I make it a priority to shower, dress and do my hair and makeup every single day so I'm not feeling gross and lazy which can really affect your mood and set the tone for the entire day. You need to continue your normal routines and focus on yourself first and foremost. If you need time to yourself then give the baby to your husband and go take care of yourself! 😊

Answer

I haven't had a baby yet (bun still in the oven) but my husband and I talked about this for when the baby does come. Once a month or so I'm going to just have a me day. My husband will watch the baby while I go to the spa or hang out at the beach, just something to give myself attention (some me time).

Answer

I struggled with this for a while after I had my daughter. As moms we go through this huge transformation and remembering who we were before and trying to get back to that in some way is part of it. So think of the things that brought you joy before this. Do some of those things again and make that time to take care of YOU again. Sometimes taking care of others, we get so lost in it and forget about ourselves a bit.

Answer

I have a 14 mo other and our second will be here is 3.5 mos. The biggest help I have found is having an amazing community of women to support and love you and your kids. We do girls nights out regularly and leave the babes with dads. I always feel refeshed and have so much more patience when I am allowed some me time!

Answer

This took me a long time to figure out my daughter is two and just now started taking care of myself again. I told my husband that I felt frumpy, because I did. So I keep up on my hair now and I get my eyebrows and eyelashes done. It's helped with how I feel about myself a lot. Do what you need to do to make you feel like you.

How do you keep your identity?

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