I was abused as a very young child and again as a teenager. Since then I have been a very unkind and awkward person. I am always on the defensive with people and my trust is truly shattered. I have been with my SO for over seven years now and I have always struggled terribly with confidence and allowing myself to just let go and enjoy the experience. I have never really tried to make a move on him and I guess I haven't really made him feel special because I'm too shy, and scared now because of my experience as a child. It has now come to a point that he is really holding it against me and is constantly on at me for not trying harder in the relationship/bedroom. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared to just let go. I want confidence and I am ashamed of myself for not having any and letting the abuse come in the way of who I am and how I behave. Can anyone out there please help me!? Just some advice would be suffice. I'm so fed up of being this way. I can't stand it anymore 😥.

P. S. I have already reported my abuse to the police. I am 24 years of age and it took most of my life to finally come forward and tell someone. My SO knows about the abuse. I am also receiving any counselling/help the professionals can give me; but I still can't seem to stop being so shy and lack so much confidence. My SO may aswell be having sex with an empty duffle sack. Please don't be mean. I just need some advice/bedroom tips for survivors like me.