I need to get this off my chest, maybe its my closure, im not sure..

I hope you find everything you want. You deserve it. You deserve everything you've ever wanted.. i hate that I ever asked you if we had feelings for each other because you're over me, and i still think about you. I fucked you over, and I'm sorry. I mean it, I'm so sorry.. if it means anything, I still wonder like how you've been, or what you're doing.. but regardless, I know you're happy. Thats what makes me get through it when sometimes I just want to hear from you. You are such an amazing guy, with an amazing sense of humor and when we planned to meet.. i used to be so happy about it. I wanted to save up like all the time.. but things don't always work out the way we want... lol i wish i wasnt stuck on you. Its been months and we never loved each other, yet I still get that strong pull towards you. Granted, us not talking HAS helped.. but it doesn't at the same time because I just wish we could be friends without that stupid pull being in the way. You were my best fucking friend... I would have talked to you about everything that happened with us but i think ive told you everything lol. Idk tbh but what im saying is you deserve everything... you deserve better than me, you deserve to be put first, i mean you WERENT my second option because i just.. i had a really hard time choosing and when i did i think i cried a little lol.. just love conquers everything and i wasnt in love with you.. to this day i have no idea what it was or is.

Thank you for everything you did for me. You never were under appreciated even if you felt you were.. you gave me the best times, except when you hated me. But you knew how to cheer me up, and I owe you for always being there at my worst.. Ive been holding this in for way to long, but there you go.. I really hope you're okay, I hope you're happy, and I hope you stay true to yourself. Thank you for always staying up with me and getting closer with me, and doing stupid things to make me laugh. You're a great person and I hope you never change.. honestly.