I took my almost 1-year old daughter to an indoor kids playground this afternoon. Watching her laughing, playing, and enjoying life brought me so much joy in this dark time in our life. After about 2 hours, she became tired and we packed up and drove away. On the way home, I made a pit stop here at Babies R Us to pick up a couple of last minute birthday gifts for her friends. She had fallen asleep on the short ride, but I thought I would be quick and just carry her in and out while she was still asleep. I made it through about half the store before my lower back began burning and I needed to find a spot to sit down. These gliders were calling to me, and now here we sit, in the middle of Babies R Us, my daughter napping away and me wallowing in thoughts of my impending miscarriage. It's amazing to me to think about -- the life that was, just a week ago, growing seamlessly in my womb, is now likely gone, expelled from my body for no reason other than this wasn't what God had planned for our little family. I'm finding difficulty these days in believing that everything happens for a reason, but this little girl gives me the strength I need to carry on. I'm feeling both blessed that I have her and cursed that my second child, a boy in my heart, has been removed so harshly from this world. I pray that God will continue to give me the strength to move forward from this.