When I was 19 I was in a very bad relationship. My ex was abusive in every sense of the word but he was good at manipulating me and got me away from my family. Toward the end of our relationship I miscarried and my arms have been aching ever since.

I'm now married to an incredible man, and we've started talking about having kids. I mentioned off-hand, that I would love to do a rainbow baby shoot and I could tell it hurt him. He hates the idea of anyone hurting me, and I know he doesn't like that I've been with other men, which is understandable. But I guess I'm torn. I will be so grateful when we do get pregnant and I can hold that baby in my arms, my rainbow baby. But I don't want to hurt my husband either. So difficult that it'll be a rainbow baby for me but not for him.

What do I do? 😔