My whole life I have always just wanted one kid. Idk why, that's just how I have always felt. Well, my SO and I finally got pregnant after 9 years of trying and some Clomid to help me out. When I found out we were having a boy I was ecstatic because that's what I always wanted. He on the other hand wasn't so happy, because he already had a son and he wanted daddy's little girl. During my pregnancy he talked about trying for another one down the road, so he could try for his girl. After our son was born and we came home, dealt with all the crap we did...he soon changed his mind. I said I don't want anymore kids, but if you want to try for a girl then I will do that for you. Since you gave me the boy I have always wanted. Anyways fast forward 2 years, I was on the depo shot since my son was 6 weeks old till the next year around July. I quit getting them because they were making me gain weight, and honestly they made me feel bipolar. So, I went almost a year with no form of birth control or contraception. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but also not preventing. Condoms here and there, but not consistant. We both keep saying man no more kids, I am done. My mentality is that I don't want to go through all the stages again. Being up all night, etc. I am so ready for my son to be like 6 already lol. Anywho, my whole point to this post is that lately I keep thinking about it. I had a pregnancy scare when I first got on my birth control pill (just to regulate my period bc I was getting it every other week.) That was just about 4 months ago. When I took the pregnancy test and it came out negative I was really bummed out for some reason. I thought I would be happy and relieved. But, all I felt was bummed out and sad. So, my question is.....why? Do I want another kid? He has been saying once he gets insurance he wants to clip his nuts, and tells me to get tubes tied. But, I just turned 30 and although I don't want anymore kids ....what if I change my mind. Sorry my brain is everywhere and now I don't know what to think. So, I figured after someone reads my novel rant...maybe someone can give me some insight on my own brain lol. Maybe one of you has been in my shoes. Okay I will shut up now, thank you in advance for anyone who actually reads this. Hope everyone has a great day!