I've never told anyone any of this besides my SO recently and I just need to get it out because I don't have family support obviously because they don't know and I went through them alone.

So my freshman year of high school(2014-2015) I was raped twice. Two different guys, same month. The first time was at school, but that time honestly has nothing to do with all this so I'm not going to explain. The second time was in the back of my neighborhood. I was going through a lot at the time and I was messed up(drugs & alcohol). Basically, this guy saw an opportunity to get some without rejection and went for it. From what I remember, he used a condom and it broke. Few weeks later my period was late. Never happened before so I bought a dollar store test and took it; it was positive. I had been "friends" with said guy since 6th grade so I was going to tell him about it, but I was going to most likely put the baby up for adoption(personally abortion is not my thing i would never be able to do it). I texted him asking if we could talk and the day before he was coming by I had a lot of pain and bleeding. My aunt, who works in a women's clinic, said it was a miscarriage. She's the only one who knew. I texted him after she took me home and said nevermind because I was too scared to tell him that I was pregnant and then had a miscarriage. I blocked him on everything because I couldn't stand seeing him after everything. **After I was raped that time I did not use drugs or alcohol again because I didn't want to be in that situation again.**

My boyfriend, of four years, and I are sexually active and were before I was raped. In June 2016, we had sex and then the next week we went to summer camp. My period was supposed to come sometime after we got back, but it didn't. I went to Walmart and bought a test. It was positive. This time I wasn't upset because it was with someone I love so much. He had known my period was late and we were talking about it and he said, out of fear, that he didn't want a baby. So I panicked and stressed out so much about telling him I was that I had a miscarriage again. This time I was honestly heartbroken.

June 2017 I finally told my boyfriend about all of this and that's when I discovered that he didn't mean what he said. Now we're TTC a rainbow baby and I just felt it was time to put this all out there. **YES he knew about the rapes just not the babies. I didn't tell him about the babies because I was TERRIFIED and struggling with depression and anxiety.**

Obviously we are 100% open about baby stuff because he was heartbroken that we would've had a 3 month old(now 5mon). He even said that since we were together when I was raped if I would've kept the baby he would have stepped up. I believe that 100%. He's beyond supportive on everything.

If you got this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. ❤️