So af was supposed to show up on Sunday. She didn't, so I start to get super excited, but try really hard not to cause she has done this before, I'm normally pretty on time but have had a few times I was like a week late. It takes everything I have not to take a test until I'm at least a week late, and not blurt it out to my husband. Yesterday I had one very small instance of spotting, but then nothing until this morning. I am now actively spotting 😔 which is how af rips my heart out every month by starting.

I don't know which makes me more upset, that my body yet again failed me or that I let myself get excited and get let down again.

I just wish there was an instruction manual for this, or some way to know if I'm even meant to have a baby. I know there is a reason for every single thing, but I'm starting to lose hope.