At a crossroad


I've been with my SO for a little over two years. We've been through a lot together. He had cancer and was not working for almost a year. He's a sweetheart and I love him but....

Sometimes I am just help but feel that he isn't exactly right for me. He's very distant at times and reserved. I've asked him about this and all he ever answers is idk. He can't open up to me fully and his answer for that? Idk or I'm not used to talking about my feelings. I get it. You wanna be macho and be a strong man. But being a strong man isn't what I want. We've had several talks about the things I want and need and I ask him the same. And again, no clear answer. We talk about having kids, moving in together and possibly getting married. Those are big steps. But sometimes those scare me. When I talk about my feelings he dismisses them. Hardly acknowledges how I feel. He just says he's sorry. And then quickly changes the subject. He does this often. He tells me sometimes he feels back into a corner. My feelings make him feel back into a corner? 🤔 a few months ago I discovered a massive amount of porn in his phone. Emails to amateur pornstars asking for very specific lewd acts. Paying money for them. Following them on snapchat. I get that guys like watching porn. And I wouldn't have an issue unless he wasn't denying me sex cause he already masturbated to porn or not having sex with me and then going to masturbate to porn. When I confronted him about that stuff after I asked him to delete the porn and cut down on it cause it was affecting our sex life he didn't. It continued. Part of me feels like he doesn't respect me or our relationship. That he's content with not getting too emotionally involved. That if he just acts right for a little while I'll just magically forget about it. Not to mention messaging other girls who are just friends but not mentioning it or deleting messages. Who just always deletes their conversations? We've talked about these same issues time after time and still the same result. I love him but to me he's very selfish and disrespectful. He only seems to care about his needs and not mine. He doesn't care that my feelings are caused by his actions. His response? I'm sorry. Or idk. Seems like he's not really committed to me like I am to him. Do I stay and settle or do I fight again to make things work?