Hi everyone,

Looking for some serious advice because I'm seriously stuck right now. I've been together with a man 14 years older than me for 3 years now + it's long distance. At first, I was terrified of the age difference and long distance and thought it would never work. I didn't give him a chance until he worked for months to get my attention and care. The first time he asked me to be his girlfriend, I rejected and he still kept trying. I finally gave him a chance and everything was great a first.. then the second year became hell: he lied to me, went behind my back to have dinner with women, treated me like trash, insulted me, put me down, and basically made me suffer. He then left me on May of the second year. He went on his stuff and I went through extreme depression and anxiety for about 3 months which included severe panic attacks, severe depression (no eating, talking, going out, nothing). I really suffered. Then as I was moving on with my life, he ended up traveling to my country and surprising me three months later. He came to beg me for a second chance and to forgive him. I forgave him and gave him the chance he begged me for.

I then find conversations in his phone with two of his friends saying he fucked a girl in the month of june. I was broken. I confronted him and he said he lied to his friends. He messaged his friends and told them he told a lie to look like a macho man. I forgave him and moved on. Then I found at least over 200 videos on his phone of women breastfeeding (to see their large breasts), women undressing, women naked, etc (not even porn). I was so disturbed. I told him I was leaving him. He got so scared he proposed to me. Even though I didn't accept, he thought I did and acted like everything was normal. He still to this day is treating me like complete garbage, ignoring me, putting me last, and putting me down. I've begged him to change and he is promising he will, but it doesn't seem like he is. He told many people he doesn't care if I leave him. I need some help. I really love him, what do I do?

Help please!