Ups and downs for the last two weeks 😕I just want everything to be smooth.

I went to mum's Saturday and had my break down about how I'm feeling with my brother's new born son. I'm happy and sad all at once and missing my own son and daughter. I hadn't seen him yet but Mum said I will always feel this way and my brother and SIL will understand.

Sunday I went to hospital to see my SIL and baby with one of my sisters and her partner. My sister held him and he slept the hole time we where there, I didn't hold him I wast ready.

He is a big boy 9lb 15oz just like his dad (9lb 30oz when he was born) the biggest baby born at our hospital all week next baby was around 6lb.

They did a C section because he was stuck (not life threatening but not moving out stuck) and they through he was going to be a 12lb baby.

So I was kind of happy after being there and talking with my SIL because we could talk about our experience in hospital and pregnancy etc; and because I felt better I went to coffee with my work friends that night.

And kind of wished I didn't, The girls told me another friend lost her baby she was around 5weeks and only just told me last week she was pregnant, she had <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> and will have to do it again. Then we where told she was in hospital last night.

She came to coffees an hour later and informed us that her Aunty is being airlifted to Melbourne her kidneys (or liver I can't remember) are failing and she said our stupid hospital kept sending her home because they said she just had diarrhoea, boy where they wrong. She has a week to get better or she won't make it.

Her Aunty use to babysit myself and my older sister and brother, while I don't remember it, her Aunty and my Mum do. Her Aunty use to work at our workplace to and was passing a photo of me as a kid with crossed eyes (before my operations) and kept me guessing for 6months before telling me it was her.