Dear old you

I hope you're happy with yourself. I hope you're really fucking satisfied with yourself. Because of you I can never truly trust the person I am in love with today. Because of your mistakes, I have constant fears and doubts about the person I am in love with today.

Because of your dumb little teenage mind, I can't ever fully trust myself anymore. I doubt myself every day over the smallest things. Does this look nice enough? Why can't I have the "perfect body"? Why can't I have a smaller stomach? Why can't I get rid of these ugly mortifying self harm scars? Why can't I be like those girls you would look at? Why can't I be pretty for you? Why?

I wish I could just have my closure. The closure I know I will always need but will sadly, never have. These new scars, these new doubts, these new anxieties. Everything. I will never be able to heal them.

All because of you.