Pregnant and sexless
Hello ladies, I'm seeking advice / perspective because I have nowhere else to turn and am reaching my breaking point.
😰I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby, my boyfriend and I (the father) have had sex twice during the course of my pregnancy ... and not because I've lost my sex drive. He's a recovering addict of hard drug abuse for the last 20 years... he has been clean for about ten months now, and stopped drinking about 8 or 9 months ago. Since becoming sober, things have been wonderful in every way, emotionally our relationship grows and improves every day. He has been making steps to improve every aspect in his life in tremendous ways and has been amazing, exceeding my expectations. He takes his improvement for our child very seriously and I could not be more proud / happy about this. However, what used to be the best sex life id ever had has turned into a dim memory of the past. Our sex life slowly got pushed to the side the more he was improving with his sobriety, and was the least of my concerns as long as he was getting healthy and making the right choices. After he also quit drinking was pretty much the last nail in the casket of our sex life. We used to have wild, comfortable, erotic sex that I had only dreamed of. Totally in sync and fit each other's kinks perfectly. I was convinced this man was perfect for me in every way because I had never been so compatible with anyone before in my life. I was in heaven. Well it just so happened the timing was I got pregnant(unplanned) very shortly after he got sober. I've always had a high sex drive and since being pregnant it has only increased. I've been patient with him and understanding that he has a hard time feeling comfortable in his own skin and has had to re learn how to live sober since his addiction has been a part of his life for so long now. I had gone months without bringing up the lack of sexual contact, waiting for him to initiate something when he was ready. Quickly learned that if I left it up to him he would never touch me again. I've expressed multiple times in many different manners that it has been bothering me deeply, I've felt like we lost a huge part of our connection and that shit- I just want to get laid! From having calm mature conversations about it, to getting to the point where I feel so horribly unwanted and undesired by the man that I love that I have a melt down and sob to him about my feelings towards the matter. Nothing I have tried has made any progress. He tells me he feels horrible and that it's not me, he still finds me attractive (regardless of being pregnant) and his feelings have not changed for me but that he just does not feel ANY sort of sex drive anymore. That he can't help it he just doesn't feel the desire. Part of me wishes he would just bite the bullet and suck it up and force himself to have sex with his girlfriend for MY sake at least...
At this point I would take pity sex...which is pathetic but he can't even give me that. I'm at a loss. He is the love of my life my partner and the father of my child. He has done so much for me and this child but I simply do not believe I relationship is a relationship if it has literally no intimacy ...? I need it, and it's hard for me to forget that we once had it and now it's gone 😞😢 I've asked him what I could possibly do to help him get there again and I just have come up empty handed (no pun intended) every time. PLEASE share some perspective with me I am so lost and so very sad about this whole situation 🤧😪