Ever since our son was born I feel both a sense of happiness and a sense of distance btwn my fiancé and I! I'm 6 weeks post partum and my fiancé has been nothing but great financially, we just found out a bid we offered on a new home was accepted and we are getting ready to move from our 1 bedroom condo in a not so great section into this 3 bedroom in a great location! My mother once she found out revealed a family secret that she apparently gives all of her children 10k to help out whenever they buy a house I feel like I hit the lottery.. Sounds great rt... I wish.. for the most part my fiancé and I have really good days and we both treat our son amazing... I try and focus on the good and I know that other ppl have it way worse then me but here goes my rant 😔... since the birth of our son my fiancé has gone out 4 times with his friends and it's only been 6 weeks to some women they would not care but the reason this bothers me is not because he has gone out but the in my opinion the disrespectful times he comes home ... 3-4am... I try and tell myself don't make a big deal he does a lot for you but it's just not something I can deal with personally.. I have tried talking to him about it and he always says he agrees but then the drinks start to flow and he gets caught up in the moment... everytime he leaves he will say I'm just going out for 1 drink and then comes home wasted...just so everyone can understand I do not live in NYC where the bars close at 4am I live in an area that the latest is 2am... why is he coming home at 3-4am????? He's not an alcoholic he doesn't drink on a daily basis and he only will have 1 glass of wine if even that whenever he does drink when we are home...this doesn't sound all that bad why am I complaining but here it goes...prior to our engagement and pregnancy we dated for 3 years and knew eachother for 5 years before we started to date...after 2 years we had split up for a few months in which he dated other woman but I also attempted dating other men.. in the end we ended up back together because we both missed eachother and realized we wanted to be together and shortly after I was engaged I started to plan our wedding but then found out I was pregnant! Everything just happened really fast... we never had a perfect relationship these late nights were happening and bothering me while we dated and while I was pregnant and with each new life step came along with him saying once we do bla bla then I'm not gonna go out anymore ... example once we get engaged I'm done going out, once we get pregnant I'm done going out, once we have the baby you get the gist! Also and I hate admitting this I have caught him talking to other women through text messages... 3 to be exact... 2 while we dated which caused the split and 1 believe it or not during my pregnancy... the weirdest part is I have actually spoken to all 3 girls in which they all told me the same thing, nothing ever happened besides the phone messages and they all went into detail about how he told them all how much he loves me yet confided in these women to complain to them about the things that bothered him about me... obviously when we got back together before the engagement/preg I was under the impression he would never do this to me again... the reason why is because we attended counseling meetings together which is actually the only reason we got back together I truly felt good about it all and felt he just needed to figure out if I was truly what he wanted and I the same to him... his excuse everytime is he doesn't know why he thinks it's the attention that he likes it and he feels as if I don't give him as much as I did in the beginning when we first met.. he has some fantasy that the honeymoon phase is how a relationship should always be but any mature person knows that relationships go through phases and that beginning lust feeling you have for someone that crazy feeling changes, it doesn't necessarily go away but it mellows out... and the adrenaline of the newness fades into a strong love through good and bad times... I feel as though he chases the adrenaline and even if he truly hasn't done anything with these woman as they and he claim which I'm not an idiot I just don't have proof even just the texting gives him that feeling...of course I feel horrible I'm not justifying this saying it's ok... what was I supposed to do I was 8 months pregnant when I found out about the girl he had texted , he cried to me told me he would move out if I wanted him too he was ashamed of himself... I was scared and I loved him and still do after speaking with her and her telling me it was litterally just messages I decided to stay.. so I made this choice... after this happened he of course claimed once the baby comes blah blah and here we are TONIGHT.. 6 weeks post partum and he just got home at 3am 😔... I told him after the baby was born this was his last and final chance I was giving him we have a family now and a family I strongly want... we agreed to a fresh start and yet here we are 4th time he's out and out late... the sad part is my feelings for him are changing and this is and was the greatest love I have ever felt.. and I have been in other relationships before I know the difference... he is currently sleeping on the couch by his own choice... we didn't even fight he complained that I haven't kept the house clean enough since the baby has been here and a lot of other nonsense to take the heat off of him I didn't even respond because it's all bs he knows he's wrong or he'd be in bed with me..I'm in our bedroom with our son! It's 6am I haven't slept I wrote this because I thought I'd feel better but I just want to cry.. I actually believe he hasn't cheated on me and I want to believe it but if he can't respect a simple request to just come home at a reasonable time how am I supposed to trust him.. tomorrow he will apologize and say the same bs.. he got caught up or he wasn't driving .. and I'm just tired .. so tired from taking care of the baby and from just mentally dealing with all of this I won't want to fight and I'll just let it go like I always do.. I feel a distance now from him no sexdrive to want to have sex with him and he knows it also .. the two times we did have sex I didn't feel connected like I used to before but can you blaim me??... as good as things are at times these bad times weigh on my mind and I feel one day I'm gonna leave and that will be it and that is why I am very upset tonight .. if you made it this far I know I sound like every other dumb girl on here but this is my life I'm living and believe it or not no ones besides me and you random ppl know anything about it! Our friends and family call us the power couple and the couple everyone is jealous of.. the saying never judge a book by its cover is truly true... I chose this life I had plenty of chances to leave before it got to deep.. I always give others great advise then somehow don't listen to it for myself... I either accept it or leave... he has dont nothing wrong besides come home late tonight but it's the combination of everything that has happened to me built up and I just needed to vent.. Tia comments welcome ... ps ... I don't need him financially I'm very successful on my own... I don't know why I stay my only answer is love... 😔