I don't even know how to start or how to explain all of this.

First off, I'm a very sexual person. I'm horny all the time and I would be up for it anytime. But after sex or just thinking about having it makes me feel gross and used. I don't know why, I'm pretty conscious about my body especially my lady bits. So I just avoid contact with people, I distance myself when I realise that all they want is sex.

I've never had a relationship, and I'm honestly not looking for one either. It just never happened and I can't see myself in one, I've always been a lonely person and spending a more than a few hours around people exhausts me then I need a few days to "recover" on my own so I don't think a relationship would work in my case.

I'd see myself single forever but I can't see myself in a long term relationship or even married.

It's just weird... I wanna have sex but sex makes me feel gross and used, I need to have feelings and a deeper connection with someone to have sex with them, but a relationship is not something I want either. It's just too much effort and time that needs to be invested in one.

All of my friends are in long term relationships and some of them are even engaged and I'm right here like "yea I'm just weird I can't explain what I want". I often find myself crying over how gross sex makes me feel although I love it and I'm like a horny dog. Nevermind my insecurities about my lady bits and my body that make things even worse. 😔