My (bi/genderqueer latina) friend 'Vicky', her (straight/cis white) friend 'Christi', and I (demi/agender latina) were out bar-hopping last night, at the local LGBT+ bars (and dinner at an LGBT+ restaurant). It was a great time, loads of fun, and everything went great.

I don't have a lot of queer friends outside the Internet, so I love that Vicky and I can bond over our shared experiences and perspectives as queer people of color, and kind of educating Christi on slang and whatnot or answer any questions she has about my gender and sexuality.

She's pretty cool about it, and when we go out to these places she doesn't treat it like some kind of zoo like cishet women sometimes do. But when Vicky and I talk about our identities, I feel like she tries to kind of wedge herself and relate in like 'I don't get it but I totally do because'

She's totally straight, but she says she hates talking about it because always ask a lot of personal and seemingly invasive questions. Because she won't date white and/or Christian guys. (She says ideally she would like to date a black man or a middle eastern man, but that's another can of worms.)

She says it's not out of some sort of policy like 'oh all white guys are cheaters so I would never date one' for example. That's just how she is. Like, it just so happens if she's attracted to a guy and learns he's Christian, the attraction is gone, or it just so happens that she's plain never been attracted to a white guy.

Which, to me, feels like a coded way of fetishizing men of color. But then again there wasn't anything like 'well everybody knows black men are better in bed' or anything. According to her, that's just how she's wired.

I tried to call her out on it (as politely as possible, since she was my ride on it), but I couldn't come up with anything convincing. Are racial preferences a thing? Kind of like 'oh I love red hair for some reason,' or is there something deeper?

Going back to my first point it's really frustrating for me to say 'oh yeah I've gotten death threats, it's really awful haha' to get back 'yeah i think I know what you mean, people ask me so many questions about me not liking white guys, and I'm so tired of it, like leave me alone!' (Like first of all why are you even telling people that and not expecting backlash.)