My boyfriend of 2 years has been wanting to do anal with me but every time I try to do it with him I tense up and cannot get myself to relax for it. We've tried foreplay, we've tried just the tip, the finger, lube. I know it's all me mentally freaking myself out about it because I always hear how painful the first time is. Any advice on how I can I stop freaking myself out and just stop trying to control it all and get relaxed mentally and physically? Like I will be relaxed up to when I know it's about to happen then I tense up immediately and can't relax.