I'm letting my husband down

Seeing my husband's face when I tell him I'm not feeling well, his face lights up with excited as he says "maybe your pregnant!" And when AF comes, seeing how sad he is makes me want to cry. I feel like a failure because he's a great husband and deserves to be a father. We had an ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago and haven't TTC since then until April of this year. I'm scared something is wrong with me. My husband thinks something is wrong with him, I'm terrified of hospitals, doctors, diagnosis etc. so I am not looking forward to seeing a specialist. August marks month four of TTC and every month I'm not pregnant, a piece of me breaks down. I try to act like "oh well, it's just not our time" but I want nothing more than to be pregnant now. I hate letting him down every month. This month, AF is due Friday Aug. 25th and I am PRAYING it doesn't come 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Thanks for listening