relationship troubles

I need help... this is going to make me sound like a bitch but hear me out. I will accept only respectful comments.

So my husband and I have been married almost a year and together for almost 7 years. We have hit quite a few rough patches. I won't bore you with all of the details, just some.

He's an extremely quiet person, so quiet he always seems unhappy. I'm a talker. I need to talk through things in order to heal and get through it.

First, He is the type who loves to drink with his buddies. It's very rarely a few beers and done kind if night. It seems like every time he goes out, he has to black out. He has slowed down since we first started dating but I feel like I shouldn't have to convince myself that its okay for him to blackout every now and then. I've had a lot of family who have had issues with alcohol and drug use and I've made my concerns VERY clear. The second to last time he blacked out he drove home. When he called me to tell me he was home I kept asking how he got home. We said WE are home. I Said who's we and he said don't worry about it. He still doesn't remember anything and didn't bother to ask anyone he was with (which he has done before). This was just the last major incident with his drinking.

Another HUGE issue for me is he won't communicate or listen. There are things that I want and need that I have been very vocal about. Some things include ANY kind of affection and intimate things in the bedroom. He won't hold my hand, every time he touches me it feels forced. I tell him things I want in the bedroom but nothing. I still feel like we are in a 3 minute porn... no build up just in and out of the bedroom. Its been years Like this.

We were ttc but then I realized one day that I don't want to take this huge step with someone who can't give me these things. I still love him but I'm not sure I can give him what he wants and I don't think he can give me what I want. He's aware that I've been having these thoughts and when I told him I want to go back on BC he said well I'm getting older so I want to have kids soon. That crushed me. I'm having some very intense thoughts and feelings and he's more worried about when I'll get over this.

When we first started dating and having issues, we both agreed we wanted to work through them. With that I told him that I'm the type of person where I will only work so hard and long until I mentally and physically cannot give anymore. I feel like I'm there already.

Yes, I know that he was like this before we got married but I think we both thought the other would change. I'm starting to realize that's completely unfair for me to keep hoping things will be different. I feel like we are settling because its comfortable. At least I am. He is an amazing man and I still love him, I just think that the love has changed drastically. We are going to therapy again, but I'm not sure it'll help at this point, as I told him that already.

I can't help feeling like I'm giving up but I also can't imagine living in this marriage for the rest of my life not feeling loved/wanted.