So I may or may not be in a bit of a kerfuffle.

I never thought my ideals would clash with real-time, real-world, real-life decisions.

We are in the midst of experiencing double parenthood (meaning we've now got 2 kids instead of 1) for about 3 months now.

Phooey on us for not being careful, but tbqh I haven't been about sex since being pregnant with my first... and when we started getting back into it... ramping back up... we got pregnant with our second).

I'm still in recovery mode and too tired and mentally occupied to even think about it.

My husband has been a saint about it and very patient and understanding.

I want to share that we are done having children. We decided on two natural children, and if we opted for a 3rd (there is the financial aspect as well as being 'outnumbered' for us), that we'd adopt, because there are a crazy amount of kids in our country (heck - even our state) that need homes! It's saddening, really.

That being said, we had sex a couple weeks back and didn't use protection, and as my cycle hasn't technically returned (I had a touch of heavy spotting a month ago that we determined may be the return of AF). Then I put my legs up (there is an old wives' tale that you can conceive this way).

I was scheduled for an IUD (which I was already apprehensive about and felt a tad pressured by my Ob's office tbqh) so reached out to my Ob. She said they typically do a pregnancy test before insertion, so we'd wait. I'd also been reading up on birth control affecting production. After my 1st, my Ob (a diff one) recommended (and prescribed) the minipill, but I never picked it up not used it because I was paranoid about my supply and was already having issues on the BFing front anyway.

That being said, the IUD & minipill are progestin only (rather than the estrogen / progestin combos, which for sure reduce your supply). I'd read about trying the minipill first to test it out. Some of the side effects of the IUD scared me, too. I've never been one to have the 1% reaction and can generally handle meds (OTC/prescripts/vaccine), supplements, and birth controls fine.

Well, today I find myself in a situation where I may be pregnant.

We delayed the BC due to my paranoia over supply and negative side effects of IUD. We didn't get Plan B after sex because, again, I was nervous about affecting my supply.

I've always believed in a woman's right to choose but personally never thought I'd be in a situation to consider abortion. I'm nervous and saddened by the need should it come (my Ob says it's still a tad early for HCG to be detected but to go ahead and try for the test; in the meantime, the minipill is safe to take, even if preggers) because I never thought it'd reach this point.

We can't financially sustain another child, and I don't think we could maintain sanity if a 3rd came so soon after.

In my hubby's mind, there is only one option. I am fairly certain, but I am concerned about the effects my body would go through and also removing the start of what would be another child for us. I love my hubby and my children and wouldn't want to end one before s/he had a chance to begin.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice and supportive Mamas to help me on (I'll be taking a pregnancy test next week but am prepared for the worst).

*I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S JUDGEY-NESS, so if you can't put your non-judgey/empathetic pants on, please refrain from responding. THANK YOU. I am only 3 months postpartum and know my hormones are still outta control.