Unmotivated and lonely. Is what I feel on a daily I can't help what I feel it makes me not want to come out of bed and I have to push myself to get up and do something. No one of my family or friends realized how I am my mother called me a disappointment the other day because what I think I do to not feel those feelings is read and that helps me and all I do is sit or lay somewhere and read and not do anything else. And what gets me mad is that they don't realize that something is wrong that I may need help all they think is that I am lazy. I am terrified that if I tell someone about how I feel I will be an even more of a disappointment then I already am. Once I got into that state were I am so moody and my mom was sick that day and she said we can go to the mall for contacts and I was upset that we couldn't go and she was upset that I was not thinking of her and how she was sick and all and then I kinda threw a tantrum and I went upstairs and she came up too yelling at me she then pulled my hair and threatening me and she was hurting me and she also slapped me on the face I had a huge had print on my face and my lip busted open and o was bleeding and we were have a conversation on it and she asked why I act the way I did and I was afraid to tell her I feel like I am depressed and I hate that my brothers bully me on my weight and how I need to lose pounds and watch what I eat if I eat a chip or a cookie I get judge and she told me that I need to ignore them. But how can you ignore that when it's your own brothers that do it and it's starting to come to the point that I can't put anything on without judging myself on how I am showing my belly or how I am constantly checking to see if my stomach shows in my shirts if it looks to big. But no one cares. My own dad is fat and they don't make fun of him yet he is the hypocrite and saying how I need to loss weight that I should be watching what I eat and I should get off my "lazy" ass and help my mom in cleaning like it's just a women's job to do why can't my brothers clean to but no if they are on their beds the whole day no one says anything. I just need help and don't know how to find it without my family knowing..