Recently my boyfriend of over two years decided our relationship wasn't working out anymore. He is a firefighter and he knows that I'm lonely and miserable when he's gone and he couldn't handle the stress of thinking what I was up to when he was away. He said he felt like we had grown apart and that I needed to start dating other people. After he said that the first time we kept hanging out and acting like we were in a relationship and he kept saying it over and over while he hung out with me. Every time he said it broke my heart but I chose to ignore it and then he said "I'm not going to change my mind on this". After that I was crushed. And the day after he said that he left to fight another fire which he has been on for about a week now. Since it seemed like he had given up on our relationship, I decided to start online dating. I talked to guy and we decided to meet up and we went to a movie and then we ended up at my house and we had sex. The whole time I didn't feel right about it but I was numb and in desperate need of something to distract me. As soon as we started having sex I knew it was a mistake and that I was still in love with my ex boyfriend and he was the only one I wanted. The whole time I was pretending that this guy was my ex boyfriend and I just wanted it to be over. I texted my ex boyfriend and told him what I did the morning after and he got back to me last night and said we were over and he never wants to see me again. Even though he had already broken up with me and made me lose hope about our relationship he said he had hope that we were going to get back together but not anymore. I am devastated because all I want is him. I had to tell him about it because I couldn't lie to him or keep it secret. He says he hates me and I'm a bitch, a slut... Etc.