I can't live like this anymore

We have a 4 week old baby who has pretty bad colic. She doesn't want to be put down at all right now and won't sleep by herself at all and so she's always in my arms. My husband works, of course, but when he's not working he's always finding other excuses to not be home. I'm lucky if I get one meal a day and a shower more than twice a week because he won't hold her and soothe her long enough to let me get away for just 5 minutes. Even when I shower he brings her into the bathroom and yells at me that I'm taking too long.

Tonight he just straight up told me that he shouldn't be expected to hold her and help take care of her, especially when he works and hasn't slept well.

He blows our money on stupid shit and we don't have enough left over to completely cover bills or buy groceries.

This has been going on forever and I'm so depressed and lonely I can't stand it. I feel like I don't want to be alive right now. And I love him but I want to leave him. As much as it breaks my heart to say it. I just don't feel like he loves me anymore. He certainly doesn't respect me.

I can't live like this anymore.