So.. I'm not really looking for advice or opinions or anything... I pretty much know what to do from here but I just need to vent. I have a 5 year old daughter. She was my first pregnancy, the pregnancy was healthy, although I did have slightly elevated blood pressure the last month and was pretty much on bed rest. Anyways, I have finally settled down with a partner who I see a future with, and want to have children with. My daughter's father has not been in the picture, nor has he seen her since she was 6 weeks old. My partner and I tried for a few months, unsuccessfully, last year. He had to move for a couple months the end of last year, and when he came back, I was pregnant within my first cycle. We were overjoyed, excited, and so happy. Having a miscarriage was the farthest thing from my mind. When I went in for my 8 week ultrasound (by my dates, I would have been just about 9 weeks) they found no heartbeat and the baby only measured at 5 weeks and 6 days. The radiologist told us this was probably a bad sign, the baby likely stopped developing, and that my doctor would call me after she looked over my ultrasound. I was devastated. Fast forward 2 days and my doctor calls and tells me not to worry, I might not be as far along as we thought, and we'd do another ultrasound in 10 days. Although still skeptical, I got my hopes up a bit. I wanted to believe it was all okay, but I knew the timing didn't make sense. About 4 days later, I woke up bleeding, went to the ER, and it was confirmed I had lost the pregnancy. I was so overwhelmed and upset. no words can describe that feeling. This was back in March. I miscarried at home, without meds and it lasted for 6 weeks. My first 2 periods after we're long and heavy. the ones since then have been completely normal. my period is always exactly on time. so this month... I am 2 days late. my partner and I decided we were ready to stop preventing, but not necessarily try to conceive about half way through my cycle. I've had pms symptoms, I've taken a test and it's negative, so I'm sure stress is the culprit. I just can't help but feel like I'm going to have that completely devastated feeling again when my period does finally decide to come. And at the same time I have that little glimmer of hope. I guess I'm just feeling down and overwhelmed. Its not like I expected to end up pregnant or anything right away, but it just seems cruel and unfair that this would happen when we decide we're ready. I know the day will come... but this whole thing has left me feeling completely helpless and like a failure. I really just wish my period would come already, so I don't have to be stuck in this limbo of thoughts. To all you ladies who have suffered a loss... I am so so sorry. lots of love and hugs to you all. to those of you hoping for your rainbow baby... hang in there and I wish you the best. and for those of you who have your rainbow baby... I am so so happy for you and thankful that life has blessed you after loss. This is not something I've ever imagined going through... and it's so hard... but I'm trying my best to stay strong and positive. it just gets exhausting sometimes... emotionally, mentally, and physically.