So I went to therapy yesterday and I always hold suicide as like a comfort blanket in the back of my head. like if my life doesn't turn out ok in 5 years I'll do myself in because im sick of dealing with it and always failing at everything. anyways I told my therapist this when she asked about my mood and she asked if I had a plan and implements to do it and I said yes and told her how I would go about it, but I'm not ready to go yet. she picked up the phone to call hospital and I told her I would still be here next week, it's just the next years that bothers me. she didn't call but now I'm wondering if maybe I'm worse off because I literally think about killing myself 24/7 and go over different scenarios in my head throughout the day. maybe I'm worse off than I thought. like I said, the thought is just a comfort.