how do you include the dad?
Okay, bare with me as I try to explain this problem I'm facing. I've been through a lot of bad, and I am hoping someone has survived something similiar like I have.
My first pregnancy was in 2011. I did the pregnancy and birth by myself. The "dad" didn't want to be around, I got attacked in hopes of making me miscarry, he got a drug addiction, he was paying people to push me down stairs at college, etc. unfortunately he got his wish and that child is not with us anymore due to heart problems he couldn't survive.
My son just turned a year old earlier this month. Same scenario. Except the dad has yet to get physical, only threatened it. He wasn't there during my pregnancy (except for sex 🙄). He's been getting girlfriends to file false charges/restraining orders against me. Crazy shit like that. Both of these pregnancies were not planned.
Now my new guy.... he's is in his early - to - mid 30s. My first older guy in years. No, he isn't perfect or has his life totally together. He's been dropping hints that he's got intense baby fever. We've talked about things we want and hope for in life and children is a huge one. We've both been through a lot of bad in life. Most men can't even handle a fraction of my life story, and he gets it. Same with him. The man has intense life stories.
With an impending possible PCOS diagnosis lingering in the back of my mind... as well as all of these other elements, we have been careless. My only direct living family is my mom and dad, my son, half brother (& then his family), and half cousin who has yet to have children. I rarely talk to them to begin with. I feel panicked, like time is closing in. I feel like Im losing everyone. I got a checkup at planned parenthood in late July, and they said my testosterone was elevated and I'm right at diabetic levels. I've never had cysts. Periods are still monthly & ive always had dysmenorrhea except a handful of "freak months" that didn't hurt and I couldn't pinpoint why. My Endocrin appointment is in OCTOBER, because apparently there has been a spike of this problem (elevated T) of people living in my area.
My main question is.... if I can successfully get pregnant, and he stays around... how do you include your man in pregnancy related things?
And I'm not looking for passive lectures saying "if you can't trust him to include him, you shouldn't be having kids with him".
It isn't like that.
I've done EVERYTHING pregnancy and mother related 100% on my own, that I am absolutely clueless on how to do those things WITH an actively involved man. When it comes time to take a test, did you include him during.... *the process*? Did you surprise him? Did you wait until an ultra sound? How did you announce it if you found out before he did? Do you both come up with names? Cause that sounds terrible 😂
Are there any other mothers who already have a child, vs him not having any? Did that cause any conflict during the pregnancy? I've seen it in the opposite way, where first time mothers felt like their 2nd (& so on) time father SOs didn't seem excited because *theyve been through it before*, but I can't think of any topics I've read where it's the man's first time having a child.
I have yet to grasp the concept of sharing a pregnancy with the dad because of what I've been through.... I hope someone can relate to me and tell me how they include the dad because it's so foreign to me for a man to want to be there!!!
Sorry for the length, I hope it makes sense enough for people to understand & share what they've done with their SO with their pregnancies.
TLDR: I've had absent fathers from my previous pregnancies and I'm clueless on how to act sharing a pregnancy since current guy WANTS children
Comment
Add Comment
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
