Virginity: To Lose it or Not to Lose It? (WWJD😂)

So y'all I'm 22. And a virgin and it's hard as shit. I'm not going to sugar coat it. In large part I maintained my virginity because of religious ethics. But I stopped being so religious when in college, even though my parents are both preachers. I've still kept myself and steered clear of activities that would tarnish my image and my self concept in the event that I returned to Christianity. (I.e I didn't want to go out and have sex only to feel major regret and shame that I broke God's command).

Well I don't want to care about that anymore but I can't stop it's compulsory. I was brainwashed when I was younger and now no matter how agnostic I am, I live with that iota of doubt, that small margin of error that compels me to want to live as if God does exist. It's complicated to say the least and I know not the sexy talk you might be expecting lol.

So I've been seeing this guy for a few months. It's not love. I don't love him. He hasn't expressed that he loves me and I don't think he will but it's fine. It's comfortable. I like him. But I think I really just want to have sex with him. On some levels that's all I want from him specifically although I'd rather lose it to someone I'm in love with. I don't really have time to find love right now. I'm in law school. I want to have sex with this guy but only one time to test the waters. I don't want it to change our relationship if I decide to return to celibacy though and I know it would because he's been waiting for me so patiently. I haven't even told him I'm considering getting in bed with him and he's still stuck around. I have no idea why.

So thoughts ladies? Am I just overthinking this? Should I dive right in? Should I hold off for someone I love? Or better yet continue waiting for marriage (lol I can tell you now that ain't gon work for me the way my hormones are set up).