Today, I have pretty much let go of all my self worth, and happiness..

Today, I let alcohol be the reason I am no longer happy within my marriage. Today, I told my husband he can drink, cause i know if he don't we won't last. We won't have our family. We won't share holidays, anniversaries, birthdays.. we won't have nothing. I won't have him to hold in the night, watch movies with me, doctors appointments, nothing.. I won't have him to come home to, or vent too. Nothing. Cause I know if he can't drink within this marriage, it will never work. It feels like a stab knowing he's so content doing something that has caused us so much stress, heart ache and tears. And humiliation on my behalf, he told my friend some very very embarrassing things about me, while he was drunk. But it's ok. Cause he don't remember. I'm letting go of everything I've asked him to quit doing, cause the past 2 days, have been hell. Cause he hasn't been able to drink on his free time. There's no talking between us, no cuddling, no nothing. Just jabs here and there to hurt feelings and make guilt be felt.. im at my wits end. There's nothing more I can do, either loose my husband or let him keep drinking. There's no in between anymore. Just 2 things that hurt me like hell.