I wanted to share my story, it's not a pretty one but I hope it can help someone. So my mother gave birth without any pain meds and told me that I should really get them if I can. I was insanely stubborn saying I would do it without anything. I felt like if she could do it, then I could. I didn't want to feel like I was a weak mommy, you know? so I tried to tough it out. I was induced at 41and 5 at 7am in the morning. after a few hours they sent me home and say they don't think it was working so come back on monday (it was friday). they told me the contractions would stop on their own in a couple hours, but they never did. in fact they stayed so consistent and grew in strength until they were 10 minutes apart the entire night. I got no sleep Friday, and no sleep Saturday morning. My hubby kept asking if I wanted to go in and I kept saying no, toughing it out at home. I was worried they would say it wasn't ti me and just send me back. Finally at 11am I couldn't take it anymore and was beginning to feel horrible pain so we went in. I felt like something was wrong because it shouldn't hurt this bad. I was biting my cheek to keep from crying out. After a couple hours in the hospital I begged for pain meds and they said it may take a while for the doctor to come approve them, and it did. nearly an hour later I finally got an if in my arm but it barely touched the pain I felt. when they did a cervix check I almost screamed it hurt so badly. I was at 5cm. They asked if I wanted an epidural around 3pm and I said yes, I couldn't even stand up it hurt so much. I got one and blessedly slept until 5pm. They had to pop my water because it wouldn't pop on its own, even though I was nearly fully dilated at this point. My legs were numb and I couldn't move them because of the medicine so I wasn't sure when I felt the need to push, I questioned myself. I told the nurse I thought I was going into labor and she checked and yes. baby was trying to come out. she told me not to push, to wait. both doctors were in emergency c sections and there was no one to deliver baby! Well my body had different plans and he started to crown. they called a gynecologist in! I knew something was wrong when people start3d screaming at me to push, so I did. as hard as I could. there were doctor's and nurses everywhere. I didn't know then, but I was pouring blood all over the floor. they tried to suction the baby out and then finally got his shoulder free and pulled him out. within a couple seconds they yanked my placenta out of me. I was still bleeding heavily. My husband said it was all over the floor and they even had a bucket trying to catch it. My son was choking on blood but they got him cleaned up quick and he was perfectly fine! I was so happy I didn't feel anything. apparently he had started to tear me from the inside out, and had torn me almost to my uterus and stage 4 tear completely through. they said it was the worst they had seen. My mother compared it to ground meat. I'm so SO thankful I let them convince me to get meds! They took just over an hour to stitch me back together but I was hospitalized and couldn't stand for 2 days. all of this and I would like to say, I'm not afraid of another birth. I want 3 more kids and hope to have them all vaginally. I want you all to know that strength doesn't mean not getting meds. strength means doing what is right for you and your baby!!