As teens in sex ed, we’re basically taught that if a boy even looks at you…BOOM, you’re pregnant. And while that does seem to be the case for some women, it definitely hasn’t proven true for us. I have PCOS, and based on how difficult this has been for us, I don’t understand how people get pregnant on accident. How do people get pregnant without trying? As of September 2nd, we’ve been trying for over a year now. I want a baby more than anything. Really, it’s all I can think about. We’ve tried to time everything correctly. I take my BBT every morning without fail. I monitor my CM. I pee on sticks left and right (whether they are OPKS or HPTS). I log everything, every day, on my apps, and by hand. I read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” from cover to cover and I still don’t feel in charge of my fertility. During my “fertile window,” there have been cycles where we’ve BD’d every day. We’ve also tried every other day. Multiple times a day. Nothing. I take my prenatals. I take them on top of my Metformin and my baby aspirin. I’ve done two rounds of Femara so far (nothing). I put my legs up for half an hour after sex. We’ve tried different positions, castor oil packs, Mucinex, pre-seed, Fertilitea, pineapple, and the soft cup trick. I went paleo, I started going to the gym, I cut down on caffeine, cut out alcohol, I lost weight… nothing. Fertility affirmations, fertility massage, fertility yoga, fertility meditation… nothing. I cry, I pray, I build a fertility shrine, pray some more, cry again… nothing. Spend hours each day scrolling through Glow. Obsess over my “Baby Fever” Pinterest board. Pick out nursery themes. Daydream about pregnancy announcements. Start drafting a birth plan. Can’t pass up that darling pink baby bib with the unicorn. Buy a baby names book and “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”. It’s been like this for over a year now. Still not expecting, still nothing. Yet, every drunken cheerleader who doesn’t even want a baby seems to conceive with such ease… why not me? Why not us? What will it take to get us there? How much will it cost? Will we ever even get there at all? It doesn’t feel fair. With each and every cycle that passes, I feel more and more discouraged, more and more depressed, and I grow more and more desperate. But somehow, I still can’t help but hold on to hope. Please let this year be our year!