7 weeks

A little over a year ago my oldest wasn't even 9 months. We struggled money wise and things were a little rocky between us. I found out I was about 4 weeks pregnant. I cried and cried, I was so scared and didn't know what to think. My husband suggested we get an abortion. I never in a million years would have considered it but things were bad. We fought even more for weeks and I cried and cried because I didn't want to have one but i knew it was what was best for my family. I was given the option to take the meds to have it pass as naturally as possible. I still remember that night after I took the final pill, within minutes I began to cramp. I remember crying and crying and my husband got on the ground and held me. Well I was so upset because I wanted that baby so badly, that my husband and I waited until our oldest was 1 and then began to try for another. My first trimester I couldn't help but think that I was gonna miscarry as punishment for doing what I did. Then the guilt set in. Why did I deserve this baby when I got rid of my last one. I hated myself. It's now a little more than a year later and I'm holding my almost 7 week old. All I can think about lately is my decision. Someone please give me something, anything to make me feel like I'm not a completely terrible person.