So I'm a 17 year old girl. Recently my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He was my first serious relationship. He had promised a future with me and I'm so torn apart right now. When we had first got together I was struggling with depression but felt it was best not to tell my parents because they think so highly of me and it would disappoint them. He was okay with the scars I have and that some days I can be sad and want to cry for no reason. Throughout the relationship it was never about sex or anything physical until the 7 or 8 month mark. We had had our first kiss and then it lead to sex. We were each other firsts. After that it just became a regular thing. After a pregnancy scare we were closer than ever and he told me that I was going to be the girl he married one day. We never argued. I was so happy. My depression got better. I was just in a good spot in my life. Then one night after we had sex I had went home. Things that night felt different than usual. We talked less and he just was distant. I had seen he posted a story on snapchat and it made it seem like he wasn't okay. I had asked him if anything was wrong and he was like I don't know. I was like you can talk to me and he opened it and didn't respond so an hour later I texted him why he wouldn't tell me what's wrong and he read it and didn't answer. I wound up falling asleep. The next morning I was getting up for school I seen I had got a text from him. I open it all excited for some reason. In this message it says how he wanted to tell me in person that night but thought it would be better through text. He said he wasn't feeling the same and that he felt like he was a distraction to me and wanted me to focus on college. He said that he needed to figure out things himself and it would be better to do it single and without distractions. He also said I'd always be his best friend and he was sorry for making me think everything was okay that night. After reading this I broke out into tears. I cried and cried and my parents barged in my room asking what was wrong and all I could say was he broke up with me, he broke up with me. My mom knew how I felt about him and immediately hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. She even started crying herself because she couldn't handle seeing me in pain. It's now been 2 weeks since this happened and I've cried myself to sleep every night. I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to hangout with friends. I want to cry and I want to not feel this pain anymore. I have got back to old habits. The urges of cutting are back and I don't know what to do. Everyone has kept saying how everything is going to be okay and that I shouldn't be crying cause I'm so pretty and he doesn't realize what he did and none of that helps. My friends are trying so hard to help me and I feel bad because I am genuinely not happy. He's made me feel worthless. How could he have had sex with me if he knew he was going to break up with me. I would do anything to not be alive right now. But I have to keep in mind that I will at some point in time get through this and my parents would be sad if I ended all this. I don't know what to do.