I just recently married my husband a couple months ago. I've had a pretty tough childhood and was always afraid of men to begin with. I've never really been sexually attracted to a man. You could give me the hottest guy on earth and I would just place him on a "friend" level. I was raised in a very conservative household and I was always taught that homosexuality sends you to hell and my parents would have been very disappointed in me. I honestly have tried everything possible to make myself sexually attracted to males but nothing worked. When I was 17 I met a girl that made me so happy and when I was with her it's like the world stopped. She moved in with me and was just my best friend as far as my parents were concerned. It developed into much more. We were together 3 years before she confessed to me that she was scared she would go to hell and honestly I was a little scared myself. So I went from the purest form of happiness I've ever felt to pretending and settling for something permanently. A year later I met my husband, we were really good friends and my family fell in love with him. He is really sweet and is really like the perfect gentleman. I decided that since being with a girl would not have went well with my family I would try to date this guy and maybe "grow" to being sexually attracted to him. I figured since I actually felt safe with him then I would agree to marry him because there is no other man I trust so I might as well marry this one . Now don't get me wrong I love this man to death, but it's not a mutual sexual attraction. I told him about everything before we got married and about how I really feel! It didn't change his mind any, which really concerns me. I have to fake every day of my life and I feel like a terrible person because he is a great guy. I still long for the affection of a woman and I'm still "in love" with the one who first made me happy. I don't know what to do. I don't want to live the rest of my life married to a man but fantasizing about women.