Can couples counseling/therapy fix the relationship and make him change? Yes/no AND how/why?

Question

Ive been dating a man since January 2017 and got engaged May 2017. Thinks started off great and now things are awful as far as ignoring me, saying hurtful things, making me care for his kids while he does nothing for them, etc. I moved out 2 days ago because I was absolutely fed up with being taken advantage of. He still doesn't see how he's wrong and why I left. He now wants to "fix things" and go to couples therapy. Do y'all think it'll actually help him change hearing from a non biased person or do you think he's just trying to get me back and only change temporarily. I told him if he sets up the appointment, I'll go. I just want to know how much he values this relationship because he didn't treat me like he loved me, and if he did he only showed the affection on his time/when he wanted to.  Also note that I'm 21 and he's 25. We are both of Asian decent in cause you're wondering as far as maturity and culture background.

Answer

It's not so black and white when it comes to couples therapy so I can't really answer yes or no. It all depends on how you both react to it, what you realize about your relationship,  and yourselves. Could this situation be rectified? Possibly. If You give it a shot and the relationship still ends at least you can say you did everything you could.

Answer

as someone who has been in regular therapy, I'll answer with one of my favorite jokes.
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Answer

I don't mean to sound like a negative Nancy but y'all were only dating for 5 months. He sounds like he just is an asshole but didn't show it until now. I'd honestly leave. You haven't put in that much time. People change but tbh if y'all already need counseling less than a year in, I don't feel good about your odds as a married couple. 😖

Answer

I know for me personally counseling didn't help my ex husband and I at all. He acted one way while we were there but as soon as we left he was back to his mean self. I was so upset because I put so much of my time, effort and money into it just to have it blow up in my face. I know it helps some people but if you're already having problems then that is a red flag. Good luck to you!!

Answer

Nothing can FIX a relationship but the people in it. And nothing can MAKE him change unless he's ready and willing to. Having said that, I think counseling can be wonderful because it can help give you the tools you need to better your communication and resolve your problems as a couple. It's not a miracle pill though. It takes real work on a daily basis. I would say it's worth a shot though.

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I say you can try it, but hes the one who decides if he changes. 
Honestly if it's that early in the relationship and you're already having that many problems, I'd consider letting him go.

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Oh and by the way. He is still saying he did nothing wrong. The counseling is just a way to get you hooked into staying. I recommend leaving.

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Om truly sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to be treated that way. Couples counseling is different for everyone. I can only speak from personal experience. Counseling helped my relationship, which has turned into a marriage. Things were pretty bad after my husband's dad died. He took everything out on me, treated me like I was below him. I lost myself while trying to save what little was left of our relationship. I took my engagement ring off and told him that we were no long engaged or a couple. I told him that I would not tolerate how treated me any longer. I begged him for months to go to counseling, he refused. So, I started packing up my things and our dogs' things. Told him that I was moving back into my parents house and that we were done. A lightbulb went off for him. He didnt think I was going to act on my words. He agreed to couples counseling. He paid for all the copays. Through Kaiser, you have to go through a group couples counseling orientation. Then theu try to get you to do a 7-8 week group counseling. I told the therapist that we were beyond that type of counseling. It took us 5 months to hash through everything. It changed our relationship for the better. We are equals, partners, lovers, and it take 2 to keep the relationship going. To this day, he will tell his friends and family how much he learned about himself and me while going through counseling. He encourages his friends who are struggling, to go seek help. We are not perfect, we have our ups and downs, however we are partners in this journey. We have "check ins", to make sure we are still on the same page. Only you can make that decision to see if its worth salvaging your relationship or not. He may see himself in a new light and want to better things or he may be blowing steam up your ass to get you to stay. I hope that whichever way you go, you remember your self worth. Don't lose yourself beca f4use of

this.

Answer

You both have to be really invested in it and want to fix the relationship to work, and find a good, dedicated, professional counselor, not some lady at the free clinic or something. It took a long time for us to get back to normal but we both wanted it to work out. We had some issues but we did the counseling and now we are better than every. You just have to know that you'll both take it seriously.

Can couples counseling/therapy fix the relationship and make him change? Yes/no AND how/why?

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