It's been almost six weeks since I lost my little Leo. Even now, everyday is a struggle. Waking up just to remember that your body betrayed you, that it couldn't do what it was suppose to, that your once full womb is now completely empty! Ladies, I'm sorry this is so long but I'm finally ready to tell my story..

It all started on the 29th of July, just before bed I started getting slight cramps. Woke up Sunday morning and I had started bleeding. Straight to the emergency we went! Got taken straight in so they could take bloods and monitor me. FOUR HOURS!! Four hours later, with no food all day. They finally come back and tell me that it's a possible UTI, gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way. Fast forward to Monday morning and the cramps are getting worse. This was our first pregnancy so we really didn't know what to expect. Both of us were freaking out so we decided to go back to emergency. They took more blood. We waited for about two hours for the results only to be told the same thing. Once again they told us to leave but my husband refused to go until they checked the baby. No one was able to perform a proper US so the doctor in the ED used a portable machine and 'tried' to find the baby. And there he was!! Full of life!! Wiggling non stop! With a strong heartbeat! At last we thought we were going to be okay, we could finally relax and stop worrying. So we went home!

But over the next few hours what I now know were contractions were getting stronger, closer and way more intense as the night went on.

And then my water broke.

My world came crushing down because in the second I felt water gushing down my legs, I just knew what was happening. In the mad dash back to the hospital I was completely covered in blood! My husband helped me into the ED where they made us sit and wait. Hunched over my husband, in tears with blood running down my legs in a room full of complete strangers I lost my baby.. By the time they called me in, I was literally sitting in a puddle of blood.

Fast forward four hours, while heavily dosed on pain killers with a little help our precious baby was born. At only 14 weeks, our little Leo made his entrance into this world sleeping. All the hopes, dreams and plans we ever had for our little family, for our little Leo were gone. It just goes to show how precious and delicate the whole pregnancy journey is. It was no more than 8 hours from the time we saw Leo on the US to the time we were holding him.. We spent the next four days in hospital because I had got an infection and had to wait for my D&C...;

I would never wish a miscarriage upon anyone, ever! It is the hardest thing I have ever been through. Although I was only 14 weeks, it was still long enough for us to grow incredibly attached, to start planning our future with a newborn! To then go through the pain and have no baby in the end is horrible. Having to see pregnancy announcements, pregnant women and babies everyday is a constant reminded of what I no longer have. Having to wait for my body to go back to the way it was before Leo before we can even think of trying again not knowing how long it could take or if it'll happen again. And then the possibility of another MC. It's all too much.

I feel for all the ladies that have ever lost a baby and pray that within time dealing with your grief will become easier and you are all blessed with your rainbow babies

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Leo Fricke ❤️