My Preemie Birth Story

The first day of meeting my new OB/GYN, he gave me a pelvic exam, which I found kinda weird being that I was around 24 weeks. I rescheduled an Anatomy scan a week later b/c my previous OB/GYN at another hospital couldn't get a profile of baby. Immediately after getting off work, I went to my scheduled appointment. I was 25 weeks. The ultrasound tech was performing the scan, but couldn't find my cervix so she had to do the transvaginal scan. She took pictures without telling me anything. All I saw was my little boy kicking the living hell out of my cervix 😂. I wasn't scheduled to see my OB/GYN afterwards, but he told me to go upstairs to talk about the ultrasound. I was nervous. He walked in & told me that I have a short cervix & that I was 2 cm dialated. Then, he preceded to give me ANOTHER GOD DAMN PELVIC EXAM (to ruin my cervix even more). 

Well, he told me that I had to be on bed rest b/c I could go into labor within a week, and I nearly cried 😢. I asked if I could go home, like that would work, but he said "no". They rolled me into a labor & delivery room & I stayed there for about a day & a half. They gave me medications to keep me from going to preterm labor. For those few days, I've been thinking to myself like how did it come to this & I started to blame myself. I've even asked the doctors what could cause this. Is it stress? The pelvic exams? But they couldn't give me a definant answer. 

They transferred me to NICU to stay. I had a free 3D scan w/ a side of PELVIC EXAM from another doctor. A doctor came in a day later giving me bad news about the survival rate of preemie babies 🤧😒. It was just a whole bunch of mess & a little positivity. Family & friends visit. Gifts for baby. Etc.

Long story short, I've been taking stool softeners b/c I hadn't pooped in days. Lol. September 8, 2017, I thought that I would FINALLY take a nice one. Boy was I wrong. When I finally realized it wasn't gas, I called my nurse in & told them i was contracting. They hooked the baby up to a doppler & gave me a shot to try to stop the contractions & pain medication. The contractions didn't stop. After a while, they called a high risk doctor in, & she gave me a pelvic exam that lasted fucking years! She said "she has NO cervix, & her bag is bulging!" She performed an ultrasound. He was breeched. 😩 They moved me to the OR & I was in & out of it. I was feeling the contractions, but them meds were WORKING lol. They flipped the baby, & at 10:40 pm, he was delivered 1 lb 15oz. He came out CRYING! & BREATHING ON HIS OWN!! Yeees!

For the rest of my stay, I would visit him in the NICU. Doctors say he's doing great, & never needed help w/ breathing. He's fussy & is active, but I'm still worried, & constantly blames myself for all this happening. I should be pregnant, feeling him kicking me in the stomach. I should have been in bed resting, but I felt "fine" so I get up & walk around. 

They say preemies need breast milk, but I could only get a drop, which adds on stress. I get so frustrated w/ that pump, & just CRYYY! They like to stress that, but says it's hard to pump milk at 25 weeks. They say he's doing better than expected but then say "but it could go bad tomorrow" like what doctor says that?

Anyway

Today was the day i was discharged, & I just wish I was still in that hospital bed, pregnant. My mom likes to come in my room & check on me & I tell her "I'm fine" but little does she knows, I've been crying all day.