My husband cheats all the time. He cheats on me emotionally and physically. I know exactly what he's doing and at times he doesn't even try to hide it anymore. Sometimes even throwing it in my face. He is also very emotionally abusive. I recognize all the signs of abuse. He is sometimes physically abusive too. But.....I haven't left him. I'm still so in love with him despite the things he does. I can't imagine my life without him. So rather than leave I just tolerate it. I'm disgusted with myself that I haven't left him but when I try he sucks me back in. I know this is the cycle of abuse. I am a smart and pretty woman but he makes me feel like I am nothing. Like no one would ever want me. He tells me I'm worthless, that I'm a bad mother to our kids, that I've never done anything to make him happy then he turns around and will tell me I'm so beautiful and he can't live without me. I recently lost a very good job because he would not stop calling me while I was at work. If I didn't answer the phone he would show up. Management warned me and I would beg him to stop but he kept doing it until they fired me. I think he enjoyed watching me cry about it. Now he tells me I'm a bum that can't even keep a job. He's constantly threatening me with divorce now or telling me that the other woman in his life at the moment is so much better than me. I depend on him financially now and I know that he loves that. He has promised to change so many times but he never does. I silently suffer 24/7. I hold back the tears for my daughters sake. I am so depressed I don't want to get out of bed most days. My family knows nothing of the abuse and cheating. I hide it from everyone. That don't even know the real reason I was fired. I have even had thoughts of suicide. But I can't leave. I don't know why I can't. I'm just not strong enough. Something is wrong with me.

****UPDATE**** Just for those that are commenting that I’m teaching my daughters to be with someone abusive or that it is ok to be abused well, I want to reiterate that I am not naive to that fact however we don’t fight in front of our kids, not ever!!! He doesn’t put me down or call me names or anything like that in front of them. When the kids or anyone else is around he is very loving, kissing me, holding my hand, telling me I’m beautiful etc. He is actually an amazing father. My daughters worship the ground he walks on and in their eyes he is amazing. When I say abuse that does not mean he is yelling or screaming at me or calling me out of my name throwing me around. On the contrary he is a soft spoken kind of guy, he doesn’t really ever raise his voice or yell. To everyone looking in including my kids, family, and friends he’s a great attentive husband and father. He provides for us, and in spite of all the bad things I mentioned he makes sure we are taken care of. In fact he tries to “buy” my love most of the time showering me with beautiful gifts. I live a blessed life, I have two amazing little girls, I live in a beautiful home, I’m college educated etc etc. My problem is that while to the outside world he seems so perfect he isn’t. There are things that he needs to change. Abuse doesn’t have to be crazy over the top violence all the time. I think most people would be surprised to know that things are like this behind closed doors. With all that being said, I have started seeing a counselor/therapist and I saw my primary Dr to start on depression medication also. Upon him realizing that I had done this he was surprised. He was hurt and upset with himself. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he doesn’t know how to stop it. He grew up in a very abusive home with a crack addicted mother. He has gone to some therapy sessions with me. She has opened his eyes to the fact that what he is doing to me is abuse! That it isn’t okay. And that he will lose me and our kids if it doesn’t stop. He has promised me we will continue to go to therapy. And he has made changes. I know not everyone will understand but right now I choose to work on my marriage and find that man again that I fell so in love with 10 years ago. I was at my breaking point when I originally posted this, the thought of losing me terrified him and he realized that I was almost there. Hopefully we can continue to make things better and save our marriage and family.