I just feel like shit to be honest and wanna vent somewhere. My husband and I have been married a little over a year and decided we wanna springtime baby and have started trying. He however doesn't do change very well and has awful coping mechanisms. When we were engaged the fights were awful and once we were married he seemed to realize it wasn't such a bad change married life isn't so bad. Now that we're trying to get pregnant, he has me confused but leaning towards the understanding that he doesn't want kids. He does all the right things towards making a baby but then says things like "I hope I'm infertile" or other things like "it's gonna suck." I ask him repeatedly if he really doesn't want to do this and to just tell me so I don't ruin our marriage and so I can go back on birth control or have him get a vasectomy since he's the one who acts so unfavorably towards the idea. Today we just had sex and after that he looks me dead in the eye and I see that expression that he gets when he wants to say something just to hurt me and I know he's watching me to savor the impact "after this month I'm not trying anymore. I don't want kids. This is such a pain in the ass. I'm sick of talking about kids. It makes me not want them." I called him out and told him he's even giving me that look that indicates he wants to hurt my feelings. And he admits to it. Next thing ya know his friend shows up to ride quads with him and he's being all sweet and nice. Like seriously what a mind fuck. I know he's abrasive sometimes and I am too but he doesn't deal with life changes well at all. I don't know what to think other than just leave him alone. Maybe get away a few days and let him think about how awful he's been and how much he's hurting me. I don't wanna divorce and I believe we should work on things. I don't wanna force kids on him bc I think it will ruin us if he really doesn't want them. There are times where he looks forward to it and shows or tells me things he wants to do or get for our future children. I wonder if I've just been around him so frequently that I'm getting on his nerves. I've voiced this concern but he denies it. I don't know what to do other than just resolve to just not having kids. Sorry it's long. Need to vent ☹️