i tried everything to stay mad i swear i did but when they say love conquers all they ain't lying...he tried and hell i tried to get things back to "normal" but nothing worked i couldn't get over that shit i wanted to forget but my soul wouldn't let me...like how could this man that life i literally saved do this to me...UNBELIEVABLE. our lease was up it was clear it was not getting renewed. i may have i wanted nothing more than to be away from him but in some crazy way i still was in love with him...but i knew i couldn't be with him idk if that was forever or for now idk all i knew is that i had to be away...got the crazy idea to move across the country to the land of enchantment and it turned out it was JUST what i needed...i had never been there never thought about it until my brother said come see what it's like. so i did. we drove across the country 26 hours...each state away i felt something lift off of me...and it felt like the beginning of moving on... i was there for 7 months i grew my hair to my shoulders i abstained from sex and alcohol (this was really like a lemonade album, for my beyhive fans) and i was the best me i'd ever seen i felt renewed still trying to make sense of everything i'd been through...but still didn't feel satisfied or better word fixed? i knew i had fled but i couldn't handle the emotional shit going on. the day i had left there i ended up behind schedule trying to see if my love could conjure up anything that may have the strength to keep me there with him and he didn't...fed up after listening to him outside my car for 3 hours i just got in the car and left he kept calling me and calling me to stop and to come back and to wait i'm like mf u just wasted 3 hours of my time lollygaggin n shit but i knew that was something he always did rather have me around in his presence i was his safe place he handed me a few hundred dollars for the road after he had been phone stalking time to figure out which gas station i was going to to fill up before i hit the road. in no way shape or form did money fix our problems he had ALWAYS BEEN A PROVIDER neverbhad to want for anything monetarily but the issues we had money couldn't fix anyway i just think he figured it would make getting thru them a lil easier ...so i left and i knew that was the biggest impact i could have on him to try to live some life without me...but i did go back to him eventually stronger wiser braver and better at communicating than i'd ever been...i needed that time apart i had become codependent on emotional bond that it blinded me but i felt like i would never know if i had become stronger if i didn't place myself back in the belly of the beast to see for sure...