I need help.

I’m one of those women who never ever thought I would have to worry about my husband sneaking off on me and making plans to meet up with someone.

I was on this app through my entire pregnancy and seeing all the posts about their husbands not being faithful. I literally laughed at those, with my husband, because I never thought I would have to worry. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first, his second (he’s widowed) when I found out the truth.

I went bear hunting for an entire week with my father up north and didn’t have the best cell coverage so I couldn’t talk like I normally did. Didn’t worry too much about it. We were married and I thought he was head over heels for me and our family to be! When I got back I had this gut feeling that something was going on. So in the middle of the night I looked through his phone. Didn’t find anything. So put my mind at ease. Next night I still had that awful feeling. I looked through his phone again but in different places. I found in the message requests on the Facebook messenger a message from a girl that said ‘I’m sorry I fell asleep last night and now I’m at work so I cannot talk again til tonight’ but nothing else. He deleted everything. And on the main screen there was another favorite contact but there was no messages from her. Well, I loaded everything I could on to my phone including his Facebook and messenger. Asked him about the message request and he went in a deleted it and said yeah he talked to her but nothing bad and blocked her after I asked him. I asked her for the conversation and she couldn’t find it since he blocked her. Okay, well I asked the other girl that was in his favorites if she talked to him recently and if I could have the conversation. She was nice enough to screen shot it and there it lies. Not this time but two weeks before our wedding he was trying to sleep with this same woman. I had been married almost a year..a whole year of him keeping this from me.

It has been a whole year since I found out and to this day I still despise my husband. Every time I see pictures of people’s wedding day I just think of how I feel mine has been a whole lie. He has made steps to prove to me that I do mean the world to him. He has deleted his Facebook. I still cannot get over that yet. It makes me feel like the worse human being because I see everyone so happy in their marriages and here I am...sometimes it’s to the point that I don’t even want him to touch me. Some days I am in absolute love with him. I have bad days. Idk what else to do.