Sorry it's anonymous, I'm a bit embarrassed.

*might be triggering ***

Recently I've been learning here and there behaviors of people who were abused in the past. And I've noticed that I have a lot of those behaviors.

For the longest time I wouldn't let people hug me, and I still only hug a few people.

It took me a very long time to show affection.

I used to flinch anytime anyone would touch me.

I'm not entirely sure if these are behaviors, but I've heard snippets here and there.

I've been trying to remember if I ever had anything happen to me... but I can't remember a whole lot of my childhood.

Some things I do remember..

I was about five and I was in the bathroom with my cousin. He was forcing me to kiss him but I didn't want to. I just remember being in there and wanting to get out..

And I remember my sister telling me that some of my other cousins had found me and my other cousin under a bed one time. I don't know exactly what happened there. I don't remember much else, and I doubt I'm the one that forced the things to happen. I'm very confused and not sure what to do. I cant afford therapy. I've been thinking about this a lot and don't feel comfortable telling anyone.

I just wanted to know if it's maybe possible I could have been "abused" or something.

Maybe I'm just overreacting.

😕

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE. IM SO SORRY YALL HAVE EXPERIENCED THE SAME THING. BUT YOU HAVE ALL HELPED ME