Why can't you be proud of me? I'm working my ass off. I'm back in college. I'm trying to get a degree but you tell me I'll never make it. You tell me I'll be a nobody and never have anything good in my life. You tell me I'll end up just like my mother. I love my mother and she's the best. She's worked her ass off to provide for me when she can. If I end up half the women she is I'll be proud. Your words hurt me. They rip my heart out. I'm stripped of love. I no longer have any. My husband who you all love more than me and think the world of does an amazing job at loving me but because of all the bullshit you've put me through over the years...I don't know how to love him back. I don't know how to be the good wife. I've made mistakes in my life and I'm sorry. My husband thinks the world of y'all but he doesn't see or know what you do to me. He doesn't know that when I attempted overdose mamaw and papaw wouldn't take me to the doctor. They made me call mom who lived 30 mins away. When I called her and told her I needed help I wanted to live she just kept asking why did you do this to me why why why? They wouldn't call me an ambulance...because they didnt want anyone to find out. None of them shed a tear. I should have died that night. But now I know why I didn't. God was going to place me with a new family who would love an accept me for all my flaws. That's my in laws.

Dear dad,

Why can't you love me like you do my sister and step brother? I actually visit you. I talk to you! I do everything you ask! You don't even acknowledge me. You pretend I'm not even there. It's like you only have one daughter and she gets the world. I never ask you for anything and I never will. But it hurts to see them get everything they've ever wanted and me receive nothing...One say dad when I have money and you need something...I'm not going to have it...

I promise all of you I'm going to make you eat your words. I'm going to make something out of myself. Yes it's taken me longer than it should but it's your fault. After so many years of hearing I cant I started to believe it...but I'm determined to prove all of you wrong.