after birth

Ladies I had my son September 1st and I got a second degree tear, the doctor stitched me up and told me to use the squirt bottle to clean myself after every bathroom visit , my son will be 1 month on october 1st and I'm going insane !! Tmi here but my bleeding has almost stopped to nothing but there is still alittle bit of blood but it itches so bad and I want to clean it with soap and water and look at it but I'm so frightened to look at it to clean it ! Im pretty sure the itching is from not being shaved either , it's so uncomfortable I'm not even sure if the stitches are gone yet 😭 how long did it take you ladies to look at it ? I don't want to just start scrubbing down there without looking and making sure I'm not messing anything up, my check up appointment isn't intill oct 20th !