Rant - Triggers warning* ⚠️

Let me start from the very beginning. My mom and dad met online many years ago (she in Ohio, him in California). They married eventually when I was 2 but lived apart for 7 years because he was caring for his parents who were poor and immigrants from Afghanistan. He was an amazing dad, and still is for the most part. But let's get back to the history. Mom, married and happy, me and my brother happy to have this awesome guy and father in or lives— finally moved to Kentucky where we lived— and things got heavy. Dad had a VERY hard time adjusting. More or less our entire lifestyle, from the way I brushed my teeth (never had a cavity up until that point) to how I never prayed to how I washed my face and pumped our soap from the dispenser. (All real accounts I remember and there are many more). He would yell. Therapy happened on and off for many years. It was hard but the physical abuse I had from 8-12 ended. And my dad's hard work was SO APPRECIATED and I am SO proud of how far he has come.

Slowly, the verbal abuse slowed down. But when he gets mad, he gets mad and will not drop the subject no matter what. My brother was the same way. He would yell at us to no end. When I was in the 8th grade, I wore makeup for the first time (eyeshadow and mascara only) just like how my mom said to and dad yelled about it, the words that stick out from that 30 minute rant (they vary from 30 minutes to an hour or two then he will take a break and come back to yelling at a later time) was "I don't want to be a grandfather when she's 16."

Things got worse when I actually got my first boyfriend and honestly, I ran away so many times in high school I've lost track myself. Now I am 19, in college, with a friend in Las Vegas. (This is key for later.)

I've been in therapy (consistently for 2 years) and I have improved my behavior WHICH I BLAME FOR HALF THE PROBLEMS IN MY FAMILY a lot. My parents have told me I have improved a lot and now I'm an average 19 year old, struggling to transition to adulthood but my maturity is somewhat average. I feel proud to make them proud. Every few weeks I'll make mistakes like I don't put the dishes away and I get reminders and such but that's minor things. With major things, I tend to do only okay. I'm managing but there is improvements to be made. I stay away from dad as much as I can because when we are together for a while we fight. Always. Even on vacations our family will always fight and end in a bloody mess (figuratively, no real blood).

I am not perfect. Nor is my dad. We are both the problem.

My mom has told me time and time again I can take the loose change jar out if I need a dollar or two. I have a job therefore have an income so that has not been an issue. A few months ago, I did not have a job so I took all the quarters out so I could use the bus to run errands. Once I got my job, I got a semester bus pass and haven't used the jar since.

Today I realized I have no hard cash on hand for the bus and due to the fact that I was mugged a week ago, no longer have a bus pass. I went to the jar. My dad was leaving for work today and I HATE waking up before he leaves because as I stated before, I avoid him. It really is the only way to ensure that they few times we are together are good.

Anyway, he yelled and went on a tangent about how there are no quarters because I took them all months ago in May. He was very upset and yelling about my immaturity and how everything I have comes from him that I wouldn't even have the couch I was sitting on or my phone without him.

I am very blessed by God and my parents to have what I have and I never try to take advantage of that and never brought up how I don't get anything I want. Because I know I have many things others do not.

I just wanted quarters (4) so I can go to work and pull some cash from the ATM there for cash so I can then go to a park for my ecology class assignment. (In college so I have to do things like this on my own time as that is the nature of college).

He continued to belittle me and then I cried. When I get overwhelmed I snap back but don't legitimately yell unless dad pushes too far. I would say every other big argument I yell because dad never knows when to let the yelling and belittling stop. That's why he fights with mom on occasion and she has to leave the house all together to get away from him and part of why my brother moved out at 17 (but there are many other factors that go into that).

So now back to my friend in Las Vegas. She is 18 and I'm 19, we are at that age when people move out and get roommates and make their own way. We have been friends since the 8th grade at 13 and 14. She is my ride or die and we planned on moving in together with me moving to Vegas. Together we eventually want to get to California. We have a financial plan and she has family who have helped me out so much so we would still have a support system if we go through with this plan.

I'm at $700 right now so I'm not in the position to move just yet but there is a woman's home that my situation makes me qualify for. I am wanting to leave this home and situation for the woman's home, cut a few course classes, and work more so I can move to Vegas. I want a few classes so I can always stay in school. Schooling is so important to me.

I just needed to rant it out. Part of me thinks I'm a spoiled brat and the other part is very hurt.