I refuse to be a victim.


My story isnt one im fond of sharing. i was 17, he was 16. i know that talking about it helps you get over it, so im really just looking for a friend here. when i was 17, over a year ago, i started dating a boy a year under me. we met at a camp of sorts, and naturally connected. he had a girlfriend at the time, so i backed tf off because im not a homewrecker. still, he flirted with me. first red flag. we exchanged snapchats and talked every second we werent together. he came to me about his crumbling relationship, and i tried to help him, as i naturally had feelings for him and just wanted him to be happy. he broke up with his girlfriend, and came to me a few weeks later, asking me out. i said yes, and was naturally happy. we talked much on our interests, sexually and not, and i found that he was very in to being forceful. fine by me, i was okay with it. i knew that there was bdsm kinks and all that, so i felt like he was the kind of guy who yielded to that, like so many others did. anyway, we dated for a while, sexual tension building, and i decided that maybe it was time to lose my virginity. i was building myself up for it. i bought condoms and everything, just to be sure. come to find out, he cheated on me with his ex. he kissed her, because she threatened suicide on him like a stupid melodramatic teenager. i was naturally furious, but forgave him and tried to work past it because i dont believe that you cant make a relationship work through thick and thin. over time, i forgave him because he came out and was honest about it. which is the one thing i always asked of him. we went on a date, one day, at a movie theatre. after the movie which was full of sexual tension, we found a secluded spot because i was very self-conscious of making out or any pda in public. it was nasty to me, and i didnt want to inconvenience others. so, we found a spot. we were kissing and being cute, when he told me to get on my knees, and i knew what he wanted. i pulled away, and said no. this isnt how i wanted my first time to go, and not by oral either. well, remember when i said he got off on being forceful? he insisted. angrily. he was holding my arm very tightly, and i was actually scared. i said no again, and he said again, through clenched teeth, to get on my f*cking knees. i didnt want this to be rape. i didnt want to be a victim of something like that. i didnt want to be a teenager with trust problems, or problems in general. i viewed myself, and still view myself, as a strong person who has their life together. but i was scared, truly scared. so i said yes. i consented to it. i didnt want him to get angry. later on, a few weeks later, i found out he still continued to lie to me. he had spun a huge web of lies, and there was probably more that i didnt know about. i was fed up with it, and broke it off, cutting him out of my life. i can admit now that, it was rape. i see it now. i consented in the end, and i did it, but i didnt want to, and i wish i would have been stronger to say no. i can admit that i was raped. but im not going to be a victim. i have now enlisted into the marine corps, and set up the rest of my life with ambitions and certainty well beyond him and the things he did. i moved past it and found my strength, though there was a lot of depression that followed. ladies, it gets better. the future is bright, and you can get through it like i did. God bless.