Can't forgive myself for what I've done

Around the end of December 2016 I started using cocaine because I became so depressed with everything that was happening in my life that I couldn't deal with. It only took one time for me to get hooked, I ended up doing it for almost every other night for about 2 weeks.. Finally one day I got so sick from it and it lasted for about 3 days.. my stomach felt like it was turning inside out and I felt like I was seriously dying. I kept trying to throw up but couldn't.. I understood it was withdrawals but something was not right in my stomach.. ended up having to take off work for 3 days.. had a lot of time to think.. I started to realize my boobs have became so swollen and big.. and I have yet to get my period.. I started bawling because I pretty much knew what that meant.. after those 3 days I went to Walgreens and got a pregnancy test.. it came out positive. I was broken. I was pregnant by my boyfriend who I was with for 3 years.. my first love.. who ended up sleeping with me then deciding to break up with me the day after and left to go to basic training for the army for 6 months.. I felt so broken and did not know what to do.. my mom just left me with nothing and went to rehab.. i just turned 18.. I didn't have enough money to pay bills from my job.. didn't know where I was going to live.. so finding out I was pregnant hurt me so bad.. I've always wanted a little baby but wasn't mentally ready and I knew that.. I felt so terrible.. I was pregnant hurting my innocent baby by doing drugs.. the second I found out I stopped doing everything I shouldn't have been doing.. completely changed my life around.. worked my butt off by working 7 days a week while doing doubles.. finally got a appointment with a great doctor and had a ultra sound.. told him everything I've done.. he said everything on the ultra sound came our perfect. Almost 2 months later I got my own apartment from working so much. Saved up a lot of money and bought everything my sweet baby needed all by myself. By august 2017, I gave birth to a beautiful 9 pound 2oz baby who was completely healthy! I've never been so thankfully and happy. It was the best day of my life. All I could do was thank god for not letting my selfish mistakes hurt a innocent baby. Now she is about to be 2 months old and she is still so healthy and such a happy baby who rarely even cries unless she wants attention or she's hungry.. my little angel probably saved my life.. I was going down such a bad road and she saved me. 100% my biggest blessing. But I honestly will never forgive myself, I sometimes just look at her a cry because of what I've done but it was my biggest lesson in life. Kept this to myself for so long and just needed to get this off my chest.

Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.