So I guess October is also pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I'm sure we're all aware of the subject. I guess I'd just like to take this moment to point out a few things. I am literally having pain and symptoms of my 4th loss right now. You don't need to know the details, the pain, physically, and emotionally is unbearable. All I ask is that you understand a few things.

-its not funny when you do a fake pregnancy announcement. It hurts enough to know that there are people out there that don't want their babies that didn't have to try for them and treat them like crap. There are people struggling every day to just get pregnant and even tho that specifically is not our problem, have some respect. A pregnancy is a miracle, a life, a blessing. Not a joke.

-if you announce your actual pregnancy, it may seem like i hate you, but I don't. I'm still grieving from my first loss, and there have been 3 more since. Excuse me for not jumping up and down when you hit your safe mark. I can't help it, I'm only human. Love you.

-saying things like "oh just quit trying and it'll happen", "it's all in God's timing", "you can just try again" and "my friend who had problems did......." may seem like it helps, but after 2 years and 4 losses, I've heard it all, I've tried it all, and I'm on my own journey and I need you to just say you're sorry and move on. Please.

-if you get me drunk it will come up and I will cry

-its awkward, you won't know what to say, but my goal is to make my childrens' very short lives matter, because in my eyes, they were children. I want people to be ok with talking about it. I want people to be more informed. I want others to not be afraid to grieve a loss, no matter how early, or how wanted

-i don't not want to go to your baby shower or hold your fresh nugget, it just literally hurts. I try so hard to be happy for new moms, but there's only so much I can do!

Angel #1 lost August, 2016: due March 2017

Angel #2 lost November 2016: due June 2017

Angel #3 lost January 2017: due July 2017

Angel #4 lost October 2017: due May, 2018

👼👼👼👼

I just hope, one day we'll have a story that's inspiring, a story that ends happily, whether it's an angel baby, or we adopt, or who knows. This pain and heart break can't all be for nothing, right? Cue the "it's all in God's timing" people.

Anyway thanks for reading this far if you did. Count your blessings and don't be afraid to be sad and stand up for yourself if something is wrong. ✌💗💙