Okay, I’m looking for HONEST opinions. I mean, right down to it, what would you do? This is a very personal subject & I’m scared shitless to even post it.. but I don’t know what else to do.

So, I met my husband on Facebook. He was in the army, I was in high school. (2 year age difference.) when I turned 18, we got married. He deployed 3-4 months after we got married. I graduated & moved to New York from Texas to make our home before he got back.. One day, some random Facebook account added me & posted a lot of nasty things about him.. saying he was a liar & cheater. He never told her he was getting married blah blah blah.. I messaged her & defended him.. saying she was crazy.. well she ended up describing the entire inside of my apartment to me & told me things only someone who had sex with him would know.. I asked him about it, he said “oh that’s Heidi. She’s just mad that I didn’t wanna be with her.” Let it go, went on about our life. Well, on deployment, we started fighting a lot. I mean, over dumb things. Which I know, they’re stressed, & tired. So I would usually brush it off.. well one day, we got into an argument & he started ignoring me.. okay, give him his time & space. I got on Facebook a few hours later, (still not talking to me) & some random girl (roxy) had been tagging him in screenshots of their conversations on Kik.. so, while he was ignoring me, he was messaging her. “Hey beautiful” “have a great day, sweetheart” “I hope your night is as amazing as you are”.. those types. I asked him about it, & why he felt it was okay to talk to her like that while ignoring his wife. & he said he didn’t see anything wrong with it.. he was just trying to make her smile.. whatever. Let it go, went about my day. Told him I was uncomfortable with them talking & he stopped.

He comes home from deployment 8 months later, we get pregnant immediately (🙄) while I was pregnant, he developed a big problem with alcohol. He was so mean with his words.. he even told me to move back home (29 hours away) & he’d see me & the baby when his contract ended (1 year later.) I didn’t leave, I stayed, dealt with it. Had my son, & everything was great again. So i thought.. I never went through his phone. I trusted this man, even with the past 2 girls in my mind. I knew he loved me. Well my son & him had been asleep, & something told me to check his phone.. I looked in his twitter & he had messages to his ex saying he didn’t love me & he was going to divorce me when he got out of the army. I packed mine & my sons things, woke him up to give him my ring & I was leaving.. he told me he didn’t mean it, he was just trying to talk to her because he was afraid of her hurting herself. ? I believed him for the sake of our little family & stayed... a few months go by, I’m paying our phone bill online & I came across his texts.. I checked them, & he had been texting & sexting another ex & telling her we were getting divorced.. I confronted him, he told me it was my fault, I shouldn’t have looked. & that if I knew what was best for our son, I’d stay.. so i did... we move back to Texas, everything is good. Just celebrated our 3 year anniversary. Went to pay our phone bill online, & he’s HOVERING. so I let it go, go back the next day & look at his messages.. he had been texting the same girl from deployment (roxy...) saying we were getting a divorce... that he wanted a future with her.. so i left.. a few weeks go by, we work things out.. I find out in those few weeks, he had been with her, sexually as well.. I let it go.. I have my family to worry about.. a year goes by, we’re good & happy. We had a miscarriage, but got pregnant with our rainbow baby immediately after. I lost my phone one day, & used his work phone (which I have no online access to) to call it. While I have his work phone, he gets a text from an unsaved number saying “miss you handsome” I gave him benefit of a doubt, his friends joke around a lot. Just for a naked pic of Roxy to come in shortly after.. confronted him, he breaks down & accepts it. I make him pack his things & leave. Go me! Wrong. We work things out, (im an idiot, I know you’re thinking it!) for our little soon to be family of 4... 1 week goes by, some girl messages me on Facebook saying she had been with him. Sexually as well... I leave, I’m done.. he did it to me while I was pregnant.. had our 2nd beautiful son & I decide to let us try again.... months go by, i find out hes been having a 2 1/2 year affair with his ex (sexting ex).. & taking her to his drill assignments 5 hours away every month... he then confesses to having sex with 5 girls during our marriage (5 year anniversary in December).. then goes to say it’s my fault... because I don’t cook, clean or get ready as often as i should.. I don’t show him attention that he wants.. mind you, I’ve been hurt our entire marriage. I lost all my trust, I HATE myself because of him & in all honesty, I’ve lost who I am.. when I go to get ready, I can’t look at myself.. when I cook, I ask why am I cooking for him after this?.. my question is.. what do I do?.. it’s my fault for pushing him to cheat.. do I stay & make it work AGAIN.. or suck it up & leave?.. if you’ve read this far, i give you mad props!.. I’m just extremely lost.. hurt.. confused.. I love this man, I do.. but 🤷🏼‍♀️