I hope I have a boy :/

I know it's best to wish and pray for a healthy baby no matter what but being the eldest of four, I yearned for an older brother whenever I had my heart broken and always wanted a backbone since my father wasn't really active in my life and then passed away before I got married. I don't want my daughter to go through it. I know my husband will be a great father but I really just want my first child to be a boy and I know this is gonna sound bad but I know when time comes if it's a girl I might be a little upset and I'm not sure if that's normal/okay? Someone please kick some sense into me.